words fall through me

a couple o' things…

2011-06-21T08:30:00.001-05:00

first off, i have moved this blog over to wordpress… have been bored with blogger for a while, so i thought i try this out.

floodstone.wordpress.com

also, been listening to the new liam finn album for over a week now… it’s fantastic! yay for pre-order! (just thought i’d mention it since it hits stores today.)

and one more thing… one week!!! in one week i will be winging my way to the homeland… faith and begorrah!

it's all down time…

2011-05-28T10:39:00.000-05:00

four weeks from tuesday i wing out o’ here for the homeland. rathdrum and dublin, ireland and a few days in london before heading back. i can not be more excited as i have never been to ireland and have not been to london (one of my favorite cities, if not my absolute favorite) since 2000.

the realization of this trip coming to fruition got me thinking, though, about the past… the future… life, in general. i hit upon something a couple of days ago as i looked back at my first trip to london - had my first legal bond not dissolved i would never have had these opportunities. new details (outside of my own brutally honest memories) thrust at me in recent years with regard to that ‘relationship’ makes this point all too clear. (whether these details are real or manufactured in order to allow the messenger some juvenile thrill or cheap, pc self-hero worship, is debatable, but i couldn’t care less at this point as i have come to understand that said messenger does what it does to fill an emptiness only subconsciously addressed.)

what is abundantly clear is that the need for control on the other side of the aisle would have precluded my ever pursuing what truly makes me happy and this pursuit has allowed my reach beyond the shot class of culture relished by the myopic who refuse to grow emotionally or intellectually. needless to say, life out from under a thumb that was, apparently, preparing to tack, has been far more rich than i could ever imagine had it not been evaded more than a decade ago.

at any rate, i have the opportunity to visit the land of my ancestors but, sadly, know that i will not have anywhere near enough time or money (despite the very generous don and kay cash graduate research grant i was awarded) to do everything necessary to commune fully with my cultural past. (there is never enough of either regardless of the activity or location.) i will, however, give it my best shot and tick off enough to make it all worthwhile outside of my dissertation research. (for instance, nothing will keep me from the national leprechaun museum as it is, well, the leprechaun museum and, better, near my hotel!)

this is all merely a way of saying that the time between now and june 28 is down time of the worst order! where the aforementioned ‘relationship’ turned out to be unwitting down time before life could move forward, the current down time is of my making with a very welcome conclusion.

just thought i’d purge a bit and to all my friends (and some not so friends) on the east coast - i’ll wave as i fly over!

time keeps on slippin…ippin…ippin into the future…

2011-02-07T08:19:00.000-06:00

has it really been this long since a post? apparently.

’s been a busy few months, especially since the start of the new semester. i am in a play, ‘sonia flew’, that opens next monday, so we are starting the marathon that is pre- then performance week.

when it closes rehearsals start for the play i wrote that was accepted into rroaps. very excited. been a while since i have had something on its feet. ’s being directed by my good friend rick st. peter and it is called ‘well, it ain’t ozzie and harriet’ (just in case you missed the other messages with the title).

i am teaching this semester, as well. acting for the camera. having fun… hope we’re aaaaallllll having fun… (hinthint)

on top of this… my own classes. havin’ a ball!

that’s about it for now. maybe i’ll post again before i earn my degree. ;-)

taylor mali… fantastic

2010-11-11T23:10:00.000-06:00

if you have never experienced him before, check him out.

What Teachers Make, or
Objection Overruled, or
If things don't work out, you can always go to law school

By Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com

He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about
teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests
that it's also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company.

"I mean, you¹re a teacher, Taylor," he says.
"Be honest. What do you make?"

And I wish he hadn't done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won't I let you get a drink of water?
Because you're not thirsty, you're bored, that's why.

I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven't called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, "Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don't you?"
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.

I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write, write, write.
And then I make them read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely
beautiful
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a goddamn difference! What about you?

iphone 4

2010-06-26T18:53:00.000-05:00

i finally got an iphone!

time and cell contracts had conspired against me, but i finally won out. patience, my friends… patience! having it around for the past couple days has only solidified my earlier opinions of other smart phones - they are all merely wannabe iphones… in (i believe) every way.

commence drooling…

i got it… it’s almost entirely set up the way i want it… and i LOVE IT!

i do not settle…

2010-03-16T23:04:00.000-05:00

i have been an avid watcher and hardcore fan of ‘law & order’ since its first airing twenty years ago. i’ll be the first to admit that not every episode is magic, it is rarely, if ever, unwatchable. my father and i played basketball on tuesday nights (the show’s original slot) and would race home to watch the story unwind over the ten o’clock hour. though i may still lament the unceremonious replacement of george dzundza (whose det. max greevey was the perfect mix of street grit and experienced cop), i have followed the show through every cast change, production u-turn and over-the-top ripped-from-the-headlines story to watch every week without fail. (i’m not a fan of ‘… svu’, but have loved ‘… ci’ since its inception, as well.)

what has always piqued my interest are the choices the characters (read: criminals) make. beyond the mere decision to commit their crime(s), they show absolutely no remorse regarding, or had even the slightest interest in, how their choices affect others. most ‘l & o’ criminals are prime examples of the worst of human nature - a complete and blatant disregard for their fellow man and how our actions affect them.

i have spent the majority of the past (nearly) five years dealing with this in its purest form as the job i do requires a reliance on others to not make my day more difficult through their simple adherence to very basic procedures. every day i walk into a steaming pile of indifference which proceeds to make my day a mirror image of that same pile as the perps float through their day showing not the slightest consideration for how they have obliterated my day… or anyone else’s for that matter. personal choice above all else… regardless.

in addition, information regarding another event in my life has surfaced which, if true, proved the depths to which a person will sink as they use another for their own sordid purpose. what amazed me was the ease with which this person wrote about their actions as a mere choice to be made. a choice akin to milk or juice with breakfast. no remorse for manipulation. no words of apology for wasting years of my life which can never be relived. not a syllable uttered regarding the utter callousness with which this ‘person’ acted upon their selfish desires.

i was raised with, some would say, a hyper-awareness with how my choices affect others. i don’t do anything on a lark, certainly nothing that affects others’ lives. my choices are thought out, heavily debated, and made in concert with those whose lives are affected by said decisions. my life is not easy, full of monkey wrenches, but i do not rush into anything truly important.

which brings us to my current life altering decision to return to school and finish my education.

what amazed me was that everyone i know, and who truly knows me, has been incredibly supportive, congratulatory… everyone, save one… the aforementioned embodiment of selfishness.

as i read this person’s excuse for their own inadequacies i was reminded of the day i told my mother i was going to pursue my master’s degree. i stated, simply, that i was going to ‘get my mfa’. her reply was equally simple: ‘why?’

to understand this, it is important to know that i was raised by a mother who was the personification of the adage ‘misery loves company’. in fact, she didn’t just love company, she was an active recruiter for the cause. it appears as though she has a successor… a prodigy who, like her, refuses to accept the fact that i, my motives, even my situation, are not known to them. driven by the assumptive force of self-imposed ignorance, buoyed by a healthy swath of arrogance, this person has decided that i am forcing my family to uproot against their will, going further into debt, etc., all in the name of passing time. due to the fact that this person can only talk about ambition as they slide through an eternity of convincing themselves that they have what they want, are happy with what they have, all the while blaming others for not accomplishing anything.

i will not live a hollow life. about a year ago i stepped back, looked at my position on this pebble from the outside to map out my next step. sure, i write… i act when i have the time… i ferret out opportunities where i’m able. this has turned to be a futile endeavor of late as i am too detached from my chosen fields’ (read: professional passions’) centers to make any real headway. i realized this was not going to work and if i want to really pursue theatre/film/etc. i am going to have to move in another direction.

i looked my options which, basically, boiled down to: 1 - move the fam to l.a. or ny and starve in the hopes it would happen (an option i have never seen as viable considering my formative years); 2 - finish my education by getting a phd to ensure academic job options; 3 - give up… settle for where i have found myself these past five years and wait to shake this mortal coil (see #1 parenthetical).

to do the first would make my children grow up the way i did and while i had a good childhood, my teen years were anything but the halcyon days they should have been. big city+poor=major suckage. won’t do it to them. (they will work and understand responsibility, but not out of familial necessity.)

i have seen the result of the third and it’s not pretty. i watched my father beaten down by a life of unfulfilled dreams. a life built only upon necessity, granted, out of love, but, still, not what he wanted. he wanted so much more, not just for himself, but for us, his progeny. his passing came far too early. he is sorely missed.

after much internal debate (lasting nearly a year) followed by familial discussion, it was decided that the only way to move forward was to, once again, crack the books.

now, i know i don’t need to explain myself to anyone. in fact, i firmly believe the opposite, however, there have been questions regarding the timing (not motives) of my return to academia, so, i thought i’d kill a couple birds with one post. (gotta love the mixed metaphor…)

and, as the title states, I. DO. NOT. SETTLE… well, not in the past sixteen years, at least, as the last time i did, nearly four years of my life was stolen. i guess i should thank the almighty it was only four, though, as an eternity of wasted time is a far greater amount for which to account.

on my way

2010-03-06T10:51:00.000-06:00

well, just to get the word out to those who may not already know, i have been admitted to the fine arts phd program at texas tech university starting this fall. my emphases will be playwriting and acting/directing (though i will try to get them to let me focus on directing as i already have an mfa in acting).

now the real fun begins!

i dreamed a dream…

2010-02-03T18:51:00.000-06:00

… i’ve had a lot of time for this to occur, apparently, considering the time since my last post. the dream went something like this:

i awoke one morning to the sun piercing my eyelids (crazy, i know, considering the hour i usually arise). i went through the routine that normally kicks off the day and left the house to face a world that has become increasingly difficult to stomach - whether it be terrible drivers who refuse to accept they are not the only one on the road, terrible customer service nearly everywhere, a society retreating ever further from maturity and intelligence with each generation.

the most amazing thing happened, though. as i checked off my day: i encountered turn signals, ‘thank yous’, and no one chattering into a cellphone as though we were all not only invited into their incredibly (un)interesting lives, but required to take it all in… well, one side of it, at least. a limited list of what i encountered during this ‘dream day’. i didn’t have to look over my shoulder to those who felt slighted by the fact that i refuse to bend to their whims. i was able to walk through my day sans the bludgeoning i am forced to take from those who, through their incessant craving of martyrdom and vapid pop-culture ‘hero’dom, seem intent on living in a past of their own revision rather than a present replete with possibilities.

it was a beautiful day. then i awoke…

how sad that there are those out there who can only lift themselves through lies designed (sadly, i’m sure, in a dark corner of the ruins wrought by their own hands) to destroy my life. call into question my integrity, my depth. attempt to prove their own talents (which are greatly lacking, at best) by casting childish aspersions upon my own. those shallow enough to believe the praise of ‘bravery’ cast upon them by the choir to whom they preach… a choir of their own design.

truth is, i had given minimum thought toward them, with the exception of the subject being broached by others. i couldn’t have cared less… until they decided it was more important to drag me through the mud of their dystopian (and cheaply written) past-life. while it makes me angry that my past is being falsified for no other reason than to raise status through the garnering of uninformed support, it makes me more sad that the world-at-large appears to be headed in this direction. i pity these people of such limited maturity, so thoroughly ensconced in the trappings of the vacuous culture pervading our society, who persist in this endeavor of epic lies and self-puffery - their relentless pursuit of approval from those whose ignorance negates the validity of same.

i am sure these unprovoked, untrue, juvenile, ignorant, arrogant, narcissistic attacks will continue… and i will persevere, parrying with the truth in the hopes that, someday, these children will grow up and admit their deceptions.

oh, and just for you ‘lovers of words’ out there, a little clarification - nothing i write is ranting. it is calmly formulated and carefully worded from a nice, comfortable chair beside which sits my dictionary… well-used, i might add. y’all might wanna try one out.

t-15 minutes!

2010-01-27T11:46:00.001-06:00

apple announcement, y'all! APPLE ANNOUNCEMENT! 10 am west coast time.

go to live.gizmodo.com for up-to-date posts

hmmm…

2009-10-29T22:51:00.000-05:00

it has been ages since i’ve posted. i have been alternately (at times concurrently) pissed, busy, angry, tired, pissed, busy, sick-of-it (and by it i mean ‘read on’)… and pissed. i must vent… and as i must, you get to read it… unless you decide not, of course, then, well, have a day.

i have come to the conclusion that i can no longer abide the arrogant, vapid, hypocritical and just plain stupid anymore. i am so tired of being surrounded by petty, narcissistic, (again) hypocritical troglodytes. i read papers, magazines, blogs - friendly and otherwise. the majority are innocuous in their approach to things (in the sense that i know from which side they swing) and i am able to ignore the self-serving, self-aggrandizing torpor they pass off as intellect to find grains of fact - wheat from the chaff, as it were. other(s), however, choose to wallow so deeply in their fatuousness, ignorance, and hypocrisy that they are unable to pass the opportunity to pat themselves on the back through posts replete with incomplete sentences comprised of badly chosen, misspelled words. mediocrity masquerading as talent.

to you, of whom i speak, i say this: grow the hell up. look at yourself honestly and fix the fucking problem. you are the biggest part of the problem against which you claim to rail. we, as a society, will never progress until you do.

i had to vent and, as it is such, i will, no doubt, find tomorrow that there was a better way to say something here, but, still, the sentiment rings.

obama? really?!

2009-10-09T11:33:00.000-05:00

the nobel committee can say what they wish publicly, but the reality is that they are stepping outside the bound of what the award should be: an acknowledgement of accomplishment. it is not meant as a reward for ambition, and certainly not for the committee to attempt to influence future acts (which it appears they are doing, as well as slapping the face of the previous administration). every other nominee (at least those who have actually accomplished great things in the name of peace) should feel the burn of insult in this bestowal. an insult, mind you, that is amplified by the fact that nominations were due not more than two weeks after he took office and began work. now, if this had happened a couple of years from now, that would be a different story that could then be debated in light of actions taken, rather than hoped. either way, the committee blew it and are merely making political statements in an attempt to influence a leader's future decisions/actions. by this reasoning, they should give me a prize in literature now as i will write one of the great american plays in the near future… really! i’m working on one now that could be a nominee… don’t scoff… it could!

this decision taints all of the other awards given out this year, not to mention past peace prizes whose recipients should feel as insulted as this year’s ignored nominees (willy brandt being the possible exception, but one past possible miss does not justify a definite lack of judgment today). again, if this had happened a couple of years from now, we could have a frank and reasonable discussion which would include real actions and results (be there any). as it is now, all we can do is what we have been doing for the past eight+ months since he took office: hope. hope that they (nobel committee) are right in their assumptions. hope they are not merely attempting to pull strings to bring their agenda to fruition (if you think any group of this stature hasn’t one, think again, then get help). hope they realize that they should be above, say, entertainment industry - this should not be an award of popularity, but of reward for a job well done - and not go down their own ‘oscar road’.

while obama handled it well in his speech by saying (and i paraphrase) that he is not deserving of inclusion with the company he now keeps (my hope that this is not just the pretty girl fishing for compliments), he needs to now take a grand step. the step that would truly be the ‘class’ move here: turn it down as misguided and far too early for this type of recognition. ask the committee to give it to someone truly deserving at this time. before y’all get indignant and nasty, i realize the message that would send and all, but, regardless, it is the right thing to do and for someone who ran on a ticket touting that very quality, i would expect no less… however, never underestimate the power of a six-figure check. ;-)

wow!

2009-10-08T11:51:00.000-05:00

it has been a long time, huh? can’t believe it has been over two months.

not much to talk about, really, just writing as much as i can. about half done with the new play. working on a longer project that i think will open some doors. still need to get this stupid paper done for apps to grad school. been really tough to get this moving. *sigh*

oh, well, talk to y’all later.

it never ceases to amaze me…

2009-07-24T21:34:00.000-05:00

… that regardless of how much a drop in ticket sales, there are still morons out there who will drop cash on a piece of trash like ‘bruno’

… to what lengths a person will go to make themselves look and feel like they are right, smart, and strong

… that people still buy microsoft products (or that ms is even still in business) when it has become painfully obvious that they are completely incapable of creating anything original and have been since the days of ms dos http://www.appleinsider.com/articles/09/07/24/microsoft_stores_to_mimic_apples_with_guru_bars.html

… people who cannot spell, punctuate properly, follow syntax, or be semi-original, are being paid to write (and many who are not paid and fall within these bounds, but also claim to be of that profession, well… claim to be of that profession)

… that those who would view the slightest malign (real or perceived) against them would squeal ‘til the sun cools, while demanding retraction/remuneration/amends, have made ‘oh, get over it’ (or any of its many incarnations both passive and active) their personal mantra(s) when they commit the same, or worse, against others

… that for every hour that passes far too much of the population continues its slide into the trailer park pulled toward the bug light by ‘family guy’, reality shows, ufc, wwe, country music, nascar, blue collar comedy, ridiculous trucks, morning ‘news’ shows, etc. (just too many to list)

… how ‘scrubs’ (a brilliant show that could combine the goofiest comedy and heartfelt sympathy with good drama, all the while never stooping to the maudlin or sappy) was screwed so mercilessly by nbc during its entire run, but trump’s pile of crap lives on as did/does ‘er’, ‘30 rock’, ‘america’s got talent’, and 87 episodes of ‘dateline’ per week, etc.

… that they have the nerve to still call it mtv when ‘m’ was unequivocally eliminated about a decade ago

… that mediocrity in all arts continues to be lauded as talent while great works go unregarded (this one sickens me, actually)

… how readily people debauch themselves (literally and figuratively) for even a few minutes of notoriety

that’s about it for today. this may become a weekly share as the list grows daily, if not faster.

so, it's been two weeks…

2009-07-15T21:13:00.000-05:00

been a busy couple of weeks. (for obvious reasons) due t the events of the past fortnight (as well as life decisions made just prior), i have been terribly reflective. the current year, thus far, has been one of change, decisions for change, and the usual crap thrust at me from outside by those (read: one) who would rather live in a world of delusion… a revisionist history that not only serves their purpose in propping up their own fragile ego, but, destroys my own past as they attempt to make themselves look ‘right’ and ‘strong’.

anyone who has followed this blog knows to whom i refer with this last reference (if you have not read my blog previously, check out the entries regarding this - they are some of the first) and the fact that i have grown so tired of others co-opting my life for their own vacuous, selfish ends that i lashed out, finally, at this person (hereafter: *it*). what struck me about the whole affair, though, was the fact that *it* did not wish to acknowledge the reality *it* so readily and greedily massacred, but took the stance of, ‘my blog, my truth - whatever i write, no matter the accuracy, is, now, what occurred.’ while i am still incredibly angry, disgusted, even embarrassed at the fact that i ever let *it* into my life in the first place, i have come to see *it* for what *it* really is: a creature living in an existence of *it*s own creation that is so ridiculous, so shallow, so firmly rooted in the shallow trappings of a pop-culture that has spawned the belief that this sort of insipidness shows depth of character, that *it* will only fall further down the rabbit-hole through time. i pity *it* for the actual events of life that *it* has decided to eschew in the name of bolstering a chalk-drawn self-image rendered unrecognizable by the lightest mist of spring. *it* will never be free; never know truth; will never, truly, know *it*self. worse: *it* will never understand why *it* should feel saddened by this.

on to other things:

since my decision to return to school for my phd, i have felt an incredible sense of relief. preparing for this future endeavor has been a blessing. i have been spinning my wheels, at least for the past couple years, and have needed a kick start. this is it. i am happy for it. in addition, one of the schools at which i am looking is indiana university. luckily, i already have a friend there - my dear friend jeremy gordon who is also working on his phd. he is in town and we got to visit yesterday for a few hours. i came to realize how much i miss someone with whom i can really debate issues that are important to us. work out theories and get the brain rolling again. had a great visit and, after talking with him, i have been leaning more toward indiana over my earlier being drawn toward texas tech.

baby is doing well. she smiles and laughs and cries at just the right parts in any rom-com on tv. she has also learned the finer points of refilling her pampers indiscriminately. a-may-zing how much crap can fit in that little body! sadly, no need for hyperbole here. now, if she would quit napping fourteen hours during the day and actually sleep through the night.

that’s about it for now. gotta get to bed for my ridiculous alarm time comes stupidly early.

what a difference three months makes

2009-07-03T10:31:00.000-05:00

okay, so, she’s here. a rather auspicious beginning for our squeaky little girl, but, she’s here and smiling at my jokes already. other than the other choices made in the past quarter, this one was immediate and emergency filled.

summer went to the doctor on wednesday (her actual due date being the following day) and found that our little gymnast had decided to twist out sideways again. (i see a gold medal in her future… maybe the vault or floor exercise) things moved rather quickly after that as they determined that a c-section was in our future… our immediate future! long story short, she was delivered that evening. the doctors found, once inside, that she was not just sideways, but breach, with the cord wrapped around her neck twice. needless to say, the right thing to do… and you can’t argue with the results, can you (see below).

here are the vitals: 07.01.09, 5:54 pm, 7 lb. 5 oz., 20.5 inches and tons of hair!

this is her first look at grandpa… she was less than an hour old… that attitude will change, i’m sure.

so... what to do... what. to. do.

2009-04-05T13:49:00.000-05:00

been floundering a bit lately. (and not in that 'i'm so cool 'cause i'm flounder in the little mermaid' kind of way, either - or, maybe so, since i don't like that movie, except for flounder, so,... oh, forget it.) tired of working a job i gotta to feed the fam and such and making little or no headway on the pro-fessional theatre/writing front. trying to get theatres to produce my work, but it seems they all like to drag their feet when you are waiting to hear something from them. re-e-e-e-eeally tired of that one (how'd'ya like my dr. cox, there?) golf game has been in the hole (and not the good one) for a while. just can't seem to win. philosophically speaking, can't see the point to ninety-percent of the shit i do from day to day as it has absolutely nothing to do with what i need to survive (soul-wise).

at any rate, been looking into phd programs again. am really intrigued by the playwriting phd at illinois state (only one in existence, i believe - attached to theatre rather than a modified creative writing degree in english, anyway). i contacted the director back in feb (admission deadline was march 1), but it was too late, especially since they require a gre test score. now, i find this outright ridiculous, even moreso considering the fact that i have already gotten an mfa. therefore, why should i need to take this? before you shout it out, i know the answer: money and the hoop game. i say: bs! so tired of the games! at any rate, i will have to slice off the part of my brain that fights the bs and take the damn thing. say a prayer for my dignity, please.

hi

2009-03-28T01:00:00.000-05:00

hmmmm…… two weeks again. in a bit of a valley writing-wise. interviewed for a job i really wanted and still have not heard either way. aggravating as hell! ‘last five years’ crashed and burned… ibid. really need my situation to change (work-wise). tired of doing worthless work - worthless in the grand scheme of what i want, at least.

i know! chipper today, huh?

'last five years' up

2009-03-13T18:04:00.000-05:00

posted my screen(play/treatment?) of ‘last five years’ (my vision for a film of the amazing musical ‘the last five years’) a couple of days ago. head over to the site and check it out, lemme know whacha think.

now it’s on to the play i started a few weeks ago. and waiting for ‘this american life’ to get back to me regarding ‘… religion’ and ‘… post office walls’. …………………… waaaaaaaaaaiiiiittttttiiiinnnnngggggg………………

so… it's been a couple of weeks

2009-03-08T19:37:00.000-05:00

i’m not gonna lie to y’all, this year has been a big ol’ steaming pile of… you know… the shit word! (thanks kelsey’s dad for something that has endured the ages)

at any rate, if the corner doesn’t turn soon, i may be seeking a cave to move the fam… of course, it has to have southern exposure for my dish.

getting the screenplay revised, then notes, then off to jrb in the hopes he will bless/put it in the right hands. *fingers crossed*

the modfather, baby

2009-02-17T15:43:00.000-06:00

just found out that weller is returning to the u.s. in april! i will be there, oh, yes, i will be there!

now, a little video from the last time i saw him in feb, 07 in l.a.

always been one of my favorite tsc tracks. brilliant!

2009-02-12T22:00:00.000-06:00

i am currently working on the screenplay adaptation of ‘the last five years’ and it is moving along nicely. since i want to retain the sung-through of the original work, there really isn’t a whole lot to do outside shot and action. should be done with it fairly soon - some time this week if i can carve out enough time.

started a new pay this week. don’t like to talk about plot, etc., while writing, so after ‘lfy’ is done i will get to it proper-like.

also know what i want to do with romantic-comedy i am writing. should take shape shortly, as well.

i was asked to do ‘v ‘dentity crisis ‘ for a fund raiser for a new theatre, so that will happen when i close ‘romance’ at the end of the month.

now to the site: with this update, i am posting a new (final)fevision of ‘family portraits on post office walls’ as well as the recorded version that i am sending with the the printed copy, as well as the recording/copy of ‘that old time religion’ which i completed far too long ago.

that’s about it. check it all out on the writings and voice pages and lemme know whacha think.

so, it's up…

2009-01-28T18:45:00.000-06:00

been a busy, slow january, but i have finally posted the revision of ‘entitled’ at the site. check it out. let me know whacha think and, by all means, should you know someone who might want to produce it, pass it along and get us in touch with each other.

whoa!

2009-01-04T14:28:00.000-06:00

just a quick note to say - STOP!

i am going through the play and am finding a lot of issues. stop reading now. if you finished it, sorry for wasting your time. however, i should have a cleaned up copy posted in the next couple of days.

smiles!

it's up

2009-01-03T00:42:00.000-06:00

head on over to the site. the first draft of the new play, ‘entitled’, is up. now, keep in mind, it is a first draft and, though i edit as i write making it a little more ‘done’ than most first drafts, there is still some work to be done: a few ideas need some more development; some trimming, i would imagine, etc.

please check it out and let me know what y’all think. www.floodstone.net and go to the writings page.

twelve..

2008-12-31T16:48:00.000-06:00

just a short note to say:

hey, dad, miss ya!

ok, soooooooooooo...

2008-12-21T09:53:00.001-06:00

i am sitting here at work realizing that the real importance of life lies not in my little cinderblock cubicle, but at my macbook pro... writing. getting on stage and acting. teaching, even.

coupled with this are the burning questions: why do we have to do what we have to do? why can't we all succeed/be discovered and, thus, make our livings doing for which we truly have a passion? why are losers and reprobates and untalented spittle constantly having money thrown at them to merely create more mediocre, or worse, entertainment(s) when others who have worked hard, possess real talent and never did time in prison/rehab or on drugs/been abused/etc. are ignored? what kind of a world are we living in when those of us who have merely held ourselves up without resorting to destructive (self or otherwise) behaviors are tossed in the bin merely because?

sorry. been a bit pissed lately as i read 'ew', imdb, and watch tv/listen to radio and only read/see/hear about the next big person (people) having been on drugs, etc. (see above). and also hearing that people who create lowest common denominator material are being given more money to create... wait for it... even lower (as they drag the collective ignorance of the viewing public below the point it existed previously - that alone is an accomplishment) common denominator material. (i refer y'all to the issue of 'ew' where they listed seth mcfarlane [sp?] as the smartest [i believe this was the topic] person in television. i can only imagine this refers to the fact that he has taken more than $100 million from fox to create the spectacularly unfunny, downright insulting, insanely vulgar dreck he has foisted on the viewing public.)

there it is for now. i have to stop. my temp's rising a bit and i have work to do.

ok, so, it's been a week...

2008-12-19T10:35:00.000-06:00

and i think my hearing has returned to normal. those who pop back here every now and then know that i finally got to see nine inch nails again. at the risk of sounding hyperbolic: great show! AMAZING!

first, a little history. i have listened to nin since the beginning. i heard ‘down in it’ when i lived in provo in ‘89 and my love of the rez has not waned over the years. i own every halo (exclept ‘closure’ as i have been waiting for the dvd release which was supposed to drop last year... i’m still waiting). buy the releases right when released (except the three-part ‘we’re in this together’ and it took me seven years to finally rectify that little debacle - this is, actually, where i learned my lesson concerning release dates and his ridiculously limited releases). however, when i saw him on his second tour, it was a terrible show. he was so screwed up on drugs and alcohol that the show was a calamity of epic proportions. it turned me off to him as a live performer until the live dvds of the ‘00s started coming out. his live shows have become very strong over the years. lots of great tech and tight performances. i have not, however, had the opportunity to see him again until last friday night and he did not disappoint.

i will say this - one of the ten best live shows i have ever seen... and i have seen a lot! (maybe, someday, i will try to list them... could be an interesting project, i think). at any rate, anyone who did not see him on this tour, you missed out in a big way. two and a half hours of straight music. no pointless blather. no ‘look how good we are’ bs. just music! =for the other fans out there, here is the setlist:

999,999
1,000,000
Letting You
Discipline
March of the Pigs
Head Down
The Frail
The Wretched
Closer
Gave Up
The Warning
Vessel
21 Ghosts III
28 Ghosts IV
19 Ghosts III
Piggy
The Greater Good
Pinion
Wish
Terrible Lie
Survivalism
The Big Come Down
31 Ghosts IV
Only
The Hand That Feeds
Head Like a Hole

Echoplex
The Good Soldier
God Given
Hurt
In This Twilight

if he makes a dvd release of this fall tour... buy it! more than worth the cash. until then, enjoy the vid.

nin, baby, nin!

2008-12-12T15:43:00.000-06:00

i love the fact that my wife works in radio as i get to see nine inch nails tonight for free - even the parking. i mean, there are other reasons, but this certainly helps today! we have two extra tickets if anyone wants to join us in the cbs suite at arco arena tonight, let me know!

the glimmer of hope has returned

2008-12-09T21:10:00.000-06:00

every now and then an episode of television rises above what we have been lulled into accepting. i had the opportunity to witness just such an episode today while catching up on my dvr’d ‘law and order’ episodes.

now, i have been an ‘l & o’ fan since its beginning at the turn of the 90s. i stuck with it during the off and on bad shows that have popped up over the years. they have, regardless of the previous statement, been a very solid show for nearly twenty years now and this season, with all of its personnel changes, including both detectives, is shaping into a crackerjack year of tv drama. the writers are finally catching up to the character changes and have delivered some episodes this season that are far above anything the critics, as well as those who bow to their opinions, laud as good television (i.e. the arrogant, over-the-top bs that is ‘house’, the ever boorish ‘er’, the so ridiculous it’s just plain ridiculous and boring ‘grey’s anatomy’ and anything with ‘csi’ in the title or ‘tnt original’ in the ads, etc.).

check out the episode ‘falling’. fantastic piece of writing! well worth the time to watch it and then some. enjoy!

it's that time of year again

2008-12-05T18:30:00.000-06:00

that’s right. you guessed it. THAT time of year again - u.s. open contest time! this year’s entry just needed to be six words and, here’s the video for it. enjoy!

god bless the apple store!

2008-11-20T18:40:00.000-06:00

okay, so, my superdrive died a week or two ago. (hard to say, i had a lot going on.) so, last friday, i called my good friends at apple - see, that’s what it’s like here in the world of apple, we are all friends... all of us... friends!

anyway, for some reason, when i bought this wonderful macbook pro my registration didn’t take in their system. it expires, according to them, at the end of january, or, five months after i bought it. this was explained to me by a friend going by an obvious pseudonym, thus, successfully hiding his rather strong ties to ghandi and the rest of that crowd. this upset me a bit, though i kept my cool whilst asking for a supervisor. i was stealthily re-routed back to the states and another new friend-to-be.

my new friend, jonathan fields, was incredibly kind and helpful. i am now in the process of getting that squared away. i had no choice, though, i was going to have to take it into the apple store for evaluation, or repair, or gender reassignment, etc. by an apple genius. i made my appointment immediately and went about my weekend.

monday rolled around and i went to the apple store to meet with my allotted genius. his name, the name of my newest friend at apple, is nate. he looked it over and decided it was going to have to be turned in to another friend-at-apple - who has, and shall, remain nameless - for repair.

after three days of withdrawals, i have received it sporting its new superdrive as well as a new fan assembly to combat its extraordinary heat issue at the top of the body, next to the hinge.

hail hail my new friends at apple - named and unnamed!

life's a lesson... or, fooooooooooddddd!

2008-11-12T07:34:00.000-06:00

yesterday was a very, very long day. as long as it turned out to be, i had plenty of time to reflect upon what i learned along the way. the most important thing i learned, though, was the magic word... or, should i say, magic word combination: chest pain combined with jaw pain. to be more specific, the word ‘jaw’ in that little combo appears to be the real key to the string of events in which i was a participant - willing or not.

7.30 - 9.30 am -- whilst sitting at my desk yesterday morning i experienced something i have never before - a pain and tightness in my chest that, then, decided to request both sides of my jaw join in the fun. coupled with their friends dizziness and fatigue, i became a bit worried. see, there is a little problem with my office in that, at times, fumes will bleed in from a couple of repair shops, so i thought it was that. i went looking on webmd to see what fumes could do such a thing. all entries pointed to ‘nay’ on the idea of fumes, so i thought it best to double check with the doc.

9.30 - 10.30 am -- when i called, the nurse stated, in no uncertain terms, that it was not just in my best interests to get there immediately, but that they would have the ekg awaiting my arrival. needless to say, when i got there, they wasted no time in hooking me up. then, they made me take an aspirin (seemed a bit archaic, but who am i to argue?) - let me rephrase that: they gave me an aspirin, but, due to the fact that they only had ‘coated’ aspirin, i had to chew it. i highly suggest to anyone within the sound of my keyboard to not try this at home - disgusting! after a quick consultation with the doc, i was sent to the emergency room at the hospital.

(note: keep in mind that i had a bowl of cereal at 4.30 am, before work, and a granola bar at about 7.00.)

10.45 am -- i was greeted at admitting by a rather attractive nurse with a wheelchair. first thought: ‘fantastic service! they really know how to make your last moments on this pebble worthwhile!’

11.00 am -- nurse rhonda (the nicest nurse i think i have ever had in a hospital - not that i’ve spent a lot of time in hospitals, but, nonetheless) draws, pretty much, all the blood i have in me. y’all probably know how i hate needles. if you don’t, well, i hate needles! (would have made a terrible heroin addict.) then proceeds to put sensors everywhere and hook me up to the philips intellivue mp70 (not sure what that means, but it seemed impressive). she also stuck oxygen up my nose. an interesting experience by itself. then dr. markus (obviously, the cool dr. as he had an earring) came in, and, i must say, he was very nice also. at this point i’m wondering if i had, in fact, died and gone to the part of heaven where they kept the best hospital ever! then, summer and emma arrive and i know that all three of us cannot, possibly, have passed to the other side, so i touch back down.

11.30 am -- things are really cooking along as they send me to x-ray. i’m getting the feeling i may get out of here soon.

11.45 am -- back in the room. waiting.

12.00 pm -- they come in ad tell me that they have found a little spot on the x-ray. might be pneumonia, not sure. more waiting. the star is starting to tarnish a bit.

1.00 pm -- working on a first class hunger. they finally come in and say that everything looks good, but that they want me to have another test before i leave. a treadmill test. um... okaaaaaay...

1.30 pm -- dr. markus comes back in to remind me that they are still looking at the x-rays to determine what the spot is, exactly, then tells me, again, about the test i need to take. i ask when, he says in the next couple of hours - you know, before i leave. still, no one is telling me if can have anything to eat. hunger growing as i envision myself as cartman in the african desert: ‘need appetizers... must have chicken...’

3.00 pm -- they - finally! - come and get me for ‘the test’. the dr. collecting me tells m that they will inject radioactive isotopes into my bloodstream, then takes pictures to make sure the blood is flowing properly trough my heart. then, i will have to run on a treadmill, then be injected again, then more pics to compare and contrast. ‘the whole thing could take up to an hour-and-a-half,’ he says. so, summer says, ‘i think we’ll leave and come back.’ two thoughts came to mind: first. i was born alone, i’ll die alone. (i felt so john wayne.) second, radioactive isotopes? i’ll be a superhero! i’ll be able to break into a carl’s jr., grab a western bacon cheeseburger combo and get out before they’d know anything... oh, yeah, i can fight crime, too... blahblahblah - most important at this point, really, is the western combo.

3.00 - 6.00 pm -- i won’t bore you with all the details of this little ordeal, but, suffice it to say, that i hadn’t eaten and i had to run a treadmill, thus, my head was inches from exploding. couple that with equipment that wasn’t working properly, thus delays, and, as i am a terribly patient,,, uh,,, patient, they all lived to see another day.

6.00 - 6.30 pm -- back to the room, more dr. markus/nurse rhonda show and, well, i am still working on a concentration camp-type starvation, but the light at the end of the tunnel is beginning to blind me. i start pulling off the leads as every little bit gets me closer to dinner and, well, they never hooked me back up when they wheeled me back into the room. rhonda comes back in, takes out the iv (something i would have done myself, but, i refer you back to the needle remark at the top) and sends me on my way.

so, what have we learned?
well, if your dad kicks off at 53 due to heart probs and you have chest and jaw pain, they don’t mess around.
not all er people suck dog butts - a little shout out to the kick-ass rhonda and dr. markus!
kfc never tastes so good as when you’ve been held against your will in a hospital (biggest shock of all, right there)

hmmmmm...

2008-11-05T22:24:00.000-06:00

i awoke this morning and, guess what: the world is the same.

just a thought.

i need to say this...

2008-10-30T23:11:00.000-05:00

i have sat silently as this circus of an election has unraveled before all of our eyes. i have had to endure ridiculous amounts of crap - from paraphernalia to propaganda - regarding the candidates. an overwhelming amount against one side as backlash against the current administration and, in contrast, an equal amount of praise (elevating to god-like status) toward the other for the same reason. now, let me say this in all honesty before i really get rolling: i am undecided right now. i have studied both sides and remain where i am as i have never been a fan of mccain and, as for obama, any time the public jumps upon a bandwagon of any kind without so much as the slightest delving into the reality of said wagon, i tend to pull back... quickly. (in my opinion, the majority of those jumping on the obama bandwagon are doing so out of spite, ignorance of our political system, or, far too common in today’s political climate, expectations of others rather than their own conscience.) that said, i need to share something i heard today.

summer works with a man named vern who told her that his wife, lori, was loading groceries in her car at a store today when an african-american woman, a stranger, mind you, walked up to her and said, ‘what’s that?’ she was pointing at the mccain sticker on lori’s car.
lori answered, ‘free speech.’
the woman then slapped her face and walked away.

beyond the obvious - that this arrogant woman committed assault in a supermarket parking lot and obviously felt justified in doing so - this speaks to a bigger problem in our society. the idea that any and only one side has all of the answers is ridiculous; not only smacks of narcissism, but wallows in it. in addition, this load shoveled forth that the very definition of ‘democrats’ or ‘liberals’ or, to distill it even more for current times and opinions set forth during this 100 year war we choose to call a campaign, ‘obama supporters’, means: sensitive to others; open-minded; accepting of the idea that we all have the right to believe what we wish, regardless is an obvious load of crap, as i have always seen. the, whatever name you wish - left wing, dems, liberals, etc. - are just as arrogant and closed-minded as they claim the other side to be. there is no difference whatsoever. i have said this for years and the events of today merely drove it home.

i have encountered just as many arrogant, closed-minded, separatist, exclusionary ignoramuses on both sides of the fence and nothing in this country is ever going to change until we all shut up and put up and accept that we do, really, all have the right to believe differently, we can co-exist and, *gasp* we can even have friends who disagree with us! believe it or not!

so, arrogant woman in the parking lot - get over yourself! (and turn yourself in - no one has the right to do what you did today.) everyone else reading this - get over yourselves! real change will not come about until we get past this juvenile bs and truly vote our consciences, not spite, expectations or the marketing that the d./r.n.c. spoon feed us daily.

update at the site

2008-10-30T19:07:00.000-05:00

so i posted a revision to ‘family portraits on post office walls’ at the site - http://www.floodstone.net

getting close on the play. it should be up within the next few days. please check these out and throw some feedback my way. looking for some other eyes and brains on ‘em.

just sayin' 'hey'

2008-10-25T13:34:00.000-05:00

i am sitting here listening to part of my saturday ritual, ‘wait, wait, don’t tell me’. i just have to say that, as much as i love the show, it is really sad that they feel they are a balanced ‘equal opportunity’ mocker of the politico. they are so amazingly lopsided it is impossible for them to truly believe they are balanced, barring, of course, widespread and deeply penetrated delusion. now, i couldn’t care less where your leanings tend - i mean, after all i listen for entertainment, but far too many listen (and watch things like ‘daily show’ for their actual info, edification) - as long as you are honest about it. don’t call yourself balanced when you are so obviously not. that said, i really enjoy the show. have for many years. it is a great complement to my saturday morning ps3 time.

hmmm, i guess it wasn’t just to say, ‘hey’, huh? as dennis miller used to say on his ‘dennis miller live’, “aw, fuck it, who wants pie?!’

bad, sad news

2008-10-20T19:07:00.000-05:00

i received an email last night saying that the concert i was frothing over, and which would be occurring next sunday night, has been canceled. the great alison moyet had to can the rest of her tour due to lack of money. in her statement, she also hinted that there would never be another tour in the u.s. now, for someone like myself who has waited to see her for the twenty-five-plus years of listening to her, this news induces a deathlike pain within my soul.

in 1991, when her album hoodoo was released, i was supposed to see her in l.a., but the show was canceled then, too. i am beginning to think this is personal.

----------------------------

in other news: ‘cat on a hot tin roof’ opened last friday to a small but very receptive audience. aside from the retractable, bouncing doorknob; falling glasses; and a few dropped lines, it went off well. the clock is ticking and i am back at the writing desk. i will have something up on the site soon.

hugs and kisses? hugs and kisses.

i have been debating a couple of things and i need some help from y'all

2008-10-12T22:18:00.000-05:00

so, here goes...

i have debated, for the past year or so, going back to school for either a second master’s or a phd. to be honest, since they developed the ‘performance studies’ phd in theatre, as opposed to straight ‘egghead theatre’ topics originally offered in doctorate, i have been looking at that more heavily. but, if i decide a on a second master’s it will, most likely, be in screenwriting.

not much is happening with my work otherwise, so i am revisiting the idea as an opportunity to kick off some publishing and teaching, as well as research/experiementation with an eye toward developing my acting theories/methods more thoroughly. i feel there is something within what i do and how i approach theatre that is worthwhile for myself as well as others. (we may not all develop our work the same, but there are some of use still looking for the best, most thorough way in.)

what y’all think? school or just keep plugging away? (one does not preclude the other, mind you...)

been a busy week

2008-10-09T11:07:00.000-05:00

haven't posted in a week as i have been a bit busy getting off book for big daddy. i can't help but think that my brain is saturated, or, at least, somewhere near the tipping point. one more line and it may just explode.

anyway, for those in the area who might want to see it, click here:

http://www.lambdaplayers.com/

off to finish work so i can get some rest before rehearsal tonight - been a week of four hour (at best, some shorter) sleep nights.

my, how things change

2008-10-01T14:20:00.000-05:00

went to my first rehearsal for ‘cat on a hot tin roof’ last thursday and left realizing that, somewhere along the way, during my time out of local theatre, some amateur actors have become arrogant, narcissistic really, pains in the ass! the woman (i use the term loosely as i can only assume by trying to look past the cloven hooves and horns she was sporting) playing big mama was an objectionable, narcissistic bitch! by saturday she had left the show and taken big daddy (her real life husband who she has somehow ducked her biting his head off to lay eggs thus far) went with her.

in short: guess who’s playing big daddy now. :-) before you think weird things (of which, i could never be sure) i offered so we could get past it quickly and get this thing up.

to the rest of cast who might see this: let’s get it on!

back on boards

2008-09-26T16:07:00.000-05:00

i have been wanting to get back on stage for a while, but have had a hard time finding something i was really interested in doing, then a friend of mine emailed me about needing someone to fill in for an injured actor in ‘cat on a hot tin roof’. they open two weeks from tonight. so, i took it. it’ll be fun working hard again getting this role down in enough time. so, i will be taking on the role of gooper for the lambda production of ‘cat…’ that will run fri/sat 10/10 - 11/22.

will be looking to do a reading of my latest play after we open - maybe at the thistle dew workshop in sac. i will have a draft of it up as soon as i get off book and can finish it (most likely in a week to two).

for a little fun - emma and i were having some fun with isight and photo booth. enjoy!

a week's a long time in gotta-get-it-done-land

2008-09-23T22:25:00.000-05:00

been on a crazy strong writing jag lately - play is rolling along with all elements in place, just need to get it all down. within a week should have a first draft for perusal. ‘fpopow’ is in last revise to get it cut down under fifteen minute read time. know what needs to be cut, but play is in the way at the moment. will be done and recorded by end of weekend.

as for everything else - applied for a marketing director gig at csus (sac state to yokels). hopefully an interview is in the offing and i will know by the end of the week. really need to get back into something artistic full time.

happy to hear of your shackle-bustin’ up there in the cananada, nettie. POWER TO THE ACTORS THAT ‘GET IT’!

type atchy’all again soon, i’m sure. back to the teddy bear and the need for love. (that’ll make sense soon)

well, it's starting

2008-09-16T19:28:00.000-05:00

you are going to read a fearless prediction here and i want y’all to remember where you read it first:

the government has made the first step on the road to government health insurance/socialized medicine in their announcement today that they will bail out a.i.g. (one of the largest insurance companies and one that provides health insurance) with a loan of $85 billion in exchange for an 80% stake in the biz. horrible news for anyone who pays taxes in this country. the ball has begun rolling down hill and won’t stop until we’re all buried under 1040s and a billion-page tax code.

enjoy your 90% tax bracket, suckers!

what's it all about, alfie?

2008-09-14T15:34:00.000-05:00

what we do. why do we do what we do? there are all sorts of studies, i’m sure, that indicate why a person does what they do, but the greater question, i think, is: why do we do what we do when we can do so many other things? so many options today and we do what we do? why? is it genetic predisposition to choose what we do? or, is all of it decided by predilection built upon our experiences in life? can we break it and do nothing but new activities? or, would that throw the universe into a black hole like the one coming from the supercollider in france (winkwink)?

just wondering before i start writing for the day.

motivation: pass it on...

all good things must end…

2008-09-13T12:39:00.000-05:00

it's coming close to the end for my relationship with the ol' powerbook. it has been up on ebay for a week and closes very soon. ‘s been eight years and, while i might be sad to see a good friend go, i love the fact that i can turn off the lights (i’m not a bright light person) and still see the keyboard! LOVE IT!

that’s about it, for now. see ya!

when you gotta change...

2008-09-08T20:36:00.001-05:00

more and more i feel that things in my professional lie need to change. i am working on the writing to get them publish-worthy, but the going is rather slow and i am getting tired of these hours i have to keep to put the food on the table in the house where we like to wear clothes and we watch tv while i write. need a way to make a decent living doing something i care about - theatre, writing, film, etc. a passion-filled worklife is necessary to avoid the futility of life and all its shortcomings that merely make an existence within obligation.

lastly, today, a call out to anyone/company looking for plays to produce. i have one full-length done, a couple of shorter pieces and am working on another full-length right now. got any ideas, let me know. or anyone looking for a screenplay - again, one doe another in the works.

oh, happy day!

2008-09-07T22:10:00.000-05:00

i got my ticket friday for the alison moyet concert! whoo hoo! a bright spot in an otherwise dark musical clime, to be sure.

other than this? revising the last piece i posted and it should be posted within a few days. i will then make a recording and get the two i have done in to this american life where they can do nothing but bow to their utter usability.

see ya on the radio, eh?

new writing

2008-09-03T22:57:00.000-05:00

for any y'all who don't know, i have a real site that has my work (not rants and the like which you find here) and i posted a new piece: 'family portraits on post office walls'. head on over to floodstone.net and click the writings link at the top of the page. i'm looking for feedback, so feel free to comment on the blog entry(ies) whether you liked or not. ould like to hear from voices outside my head.

enjoy and have a superhappyfantastic day/night/sleep/whatever.

introspection...

2008-08-27T11:22:00.000-05:00

perception (as i have stated before) is a tricky, zeitgeist-y thing. we find our little windows through which we decide to see the world. we take what comes and deal with it in the hopes that the truth will always provide for itself in the eyes of all involved. however, due to our life experiences (which go to make up our personal zeitgeists), we taint events, motivations, feelings, etc. we have to work very hard to retain the truth of these situations in order to retain the reality of our lives. we cannot do this without being completely, totally, harshly honest with ourselves. we must be able to look at ourselves from the outside, as others would had they been the fly on the wall during these events. we must be able to look at, even bridle, our emotions as we look at ourselves or we will forever allow these emotions to re-form our past into what we wish it to be - to make us a hero, victim, etc. sadly, all this can do, is create a void where our soul should be... a life that will never achieve what it should as we grope through the wreckage.

i have worked very hard in my life to look at situations/events/relationships/etc. honestly to admit where my fault lies in order to live in a world of reality, rather than one created by the events controlling my emotions, thus, controlling me. i learned this from my father who, for his faults (we all have them) was, perhaps, the most honest, genuine person i have ever known. i know i learned this from him as well as inheriting his emotional strength. i am ridiculously emotional; sentimental; melancholy, at times; but learned to temper that with the intellect with which i have been blessed. all gifts from my father. all important to me... for me to live in this world and continue regardless of the pictures others have created, regarding me and my life/events/etc., through their inability to be completely honest with themselves.

anyone can take a reservation...

2008-08-26T19:12:00.000-05:00

anyone who knows me in the least knows that one of my favorite places on this planet, or any other, for that matter, is best buy. being corporate, and all, i understand the ramifications of this statement, but the fact of the matter is that when i want something new, for a decent price, they are hard to beat. i have been shopping 'the buy' for years with nary a problem, but yesterday, that all came crashing down. however, today, a service rep at the buy's order office re-instilled my faith.

it all started here: i have needed a new powerbook. (for the apple ignorant in the crowd, a laptop - powerbook is still a much cooler name than macbook, so i am sticking with it as long as i am able.) i found a decent deal on the buy's website for the previous version of the 15" pro and proceeded to look into the availability. the site said that they are in stock and that there was even a store in my area with them at hand. being near my work, i hopped in there afterward inquiring about said machine. i was told by the local apple wannabe that they, in fact, did not have any in stock as it had been discontinued. i let him know that i understood that, but could not afford the newer machine and their site said they had them in stock at the store. he offered to see what he could do for me. he checked with the manager and came back with the offer of giving me the student price on the new one, which, unfortunately, was still a bit out of my range shekel-wise. summer showed up, we discussed the fact that they were, basically, trying the old bait-and-switch and decided to leave.

when i got home, i went to the website again deciding to just order for delivery, suck up the charge and move on. when i ordered it, the first thing that came up was the site saying i could get it in-store. i thought i'd try it, if i couldn't it would tell me and i would just change the shipping. a couple of hours later i got a confirmation saying it was ready for in-store pick up. sweetness! a couple of hours later summer got home from work and we loaded into dieter for the trip back top the buy - i with the thought that i would have no sleep for the need to set up the new 'book.

(i will abbreviate this part for the sake of my fingers)

when we got there the nice young woman at the counter said, 'they didn't call you?' (a phrase that would be repeated as both a statement and a question numerous times following.) we told her 'no' which prompted the response 'we don't have that in stock. they were supposed to call you.' now, i'm not sure who this nebulous they might be, but, apparently they were supposed to call me (even though i received a confirmation regarding the availability of my order) to let me know that the buy's website is filled with dirtydirty lies. she offered to get a manager to help and we gladly prodded.

when the manager came on the scene she said the apple guy knew about this and went to get him. when he came he told me they did not have any to which i inquired as to the reason the site would say otherwise. they responded with the usual fare - glitch in the system; just because it says it's here, doesn't necessarily mean so; they can cut me the aforementioned deal; etc.; etc. this put me to the edge - i kept my cool, my voice down and the one would be on an impossible mission find a cuss word in my ensuing diatribe - where i told them that this was meant nothing as the problem now was that not the website, but the fact that they are doing nothing to find another suitable solution. now, with all the money i have spent at the buy over the years, not to mention the spending, no doubt, to come in the future, they would find another solution that would be amenable to both, but, alas, this manager could not have cared less.

meanwhile, the first girl who was helping us, an assistant of some sort, was quietly working in the background trying to solve the problem. she found a solution, but we would have to pay for the shipping, which, by that point was completely unacceptable. they, then, gave us a gift card to cover the cost of the shipping. ok. that would have worked, but, summer, bless her soul - i love her, but she's gotta learn to pick her battles - decided to press the line in the confirmation that states that if the order is not ready when you arrive, they will take ten dollars off the price. she proceeded to ask, 'what about the ten dollars?' (now, in my mind i'm thinking, 'we are talking about a sale in excess of fifteen hundred... ten dollars! really?!') the manager answered this with, 'make it for fifty. i don't care!' i did not think about this until we got out to the car, but, this response really pissed me off when i did... think about it, that is. the apathetic approach she had taken thus far illustrated this much, but, also, if she was that willing to give it away, why not make it for a hundred-and-fifty, use it toward the new model and get it all over with? needless to say, we arrived home after much discussion regarding this thought.

skip ahead: i get up for work this morning, check the email and there is one from the buy stating that i need to contact them about a change to the delivery time.

i finally got a hold of them - after more than ten minutes climbing their ridiculous, non-human phone tree - and found myself connected to a very nice, carbon-based, non-delhian named linda in, as i learned when she said 'oot', a place near ottawa. (hey, nettie! know her? she's in cananada, so you must, right? like i must know all californians...)

long story short - she was amazingly helpful, got the order fixed (as far as i know right now) and is sending me a fifty dollar coupon (in addition to the fifty dollar card we were already given) and she forwarded me to customer affairs who will be taking care of the manager issue is also sending me a twenty-five dollar gift card. now, do the math - $125... for another measly twenty-five (or, even, the 125 at the point of incident) all of this trouble could have been avoided. crap decision-making from the manager on duty.

at any rate, tracey, the girl who really tried to help at the store and linda in cananada, are the coolest and many kudos to them for their real help in a situation that never should have reached either of them

p.s. catch the reference in the title? mention it in a comment and win a prize!

anyone can take a reservation…

2008-08-26T12:34:00.000-05:00

it's wednesday!

2008-08-13T14:16:00.000-05:00

that means absolutely nothing other than the fact that it is, in reality, wednesday.

at any rate, a little regarding the life and times of those living within my head. they are a crowded and vocal bunch making it, at times, difficult to keep it all straight. at times i find myself veering into oncoming traffic because one of them has had more than enough of the sounds emanating from my stereo. (usually something in the vein of classic alternative or some newer liam finn, nine inch nails, or the such - wide and varied at times, but always annoying to... we'll call him crawford.)

susan, my feminine side, decided it would be a good idea to dance in the office as a pithy little number came on the radio. for those of you who have no idea what i do, i work with money, pretty much all day, every day. well, let's just say the president of the company had more fun than he ever should have when he decided to do a random review of the recordings from the camera in my office. susan is now grounded from dancing until further notice.

ashford takes it a personal affront every time i awake in the running car inside the garage. i say it is inevitable considering, you know, i'm not ready to check out yet, but, apparently he would welcome the rest. needless to say he has been banished to his bunk, as well. the real problem with this is that i only have a one bedroom noggin and the two of them seem to be finding their entertainment. it is disturbing, i'm not gonna lie about it, but, still, it's nice to see that even mentally incarcerated can find companionship.

last, but certainly not least, is little randolph. randy as he's known about the cranium. he's fun, but has trouble getting up when knocked down. he fights like hell, but just can't seem to flip his little body over to free access to his hands and feet. he's learning, but slowly. i guess i'll go work on it with him a little longer this afternoon.

see ya later! (from all of us)

wow!

2008-08-07T18:41:00.000-05:00

just looked and noticed that i've been a tad angry lately. there's only one answer, of course, people need to be less stupid, less arrogant, more... common. let's face facts: if these people were half as cool as they think they are, they'd still only be a fourth as cool as they need to be for an eighth of society to admire them. (don't do the math, it'll drive you crazy.) if they employed any creativity at all, they would almost be worth sharing this pebble. there i go again! ...let's move on.

so, i am looking for a neurologist from whom i can get some info for a story i'm percolating. actually, i've been percolating for some time. if anyone knows one who would be willing to talk to me, let me know.

thanks in advance.

whatever happened to...

2008-08-06T13:51:00.000-05:00

the need for people to show pride in a job well done? you know, a work ethic. this incessant need to merely show up and expect that we will be so happy they're here that we'll pay them far more than they're worth. 'if i was paid better i'd care and do a good job' is their mantra. sadly, this is not true. history has shown that they will continue to gripe about their pay, not being respected, not being treated fairly, etc. when the slightest mishap occurs there is no place for reasonable discourse or debate, their lawyer is on speed dial and they have no qualms, whatsoever, in calling from the company phone. i'm tired of it.

just had to rant for a mo. thanks! have a great day!

how sad...

2008-07-29T19:47:00.000-05:00

i have, for many years, hated microsoft and everything for which they stand. many years ago gates ripped off apple's interface because he realized it was the only way to make a pc better, easier to use, and he has continued to steal, outright, from everything apple has done since. he has lied to the public for years and now, with his 'mojave experiment' now online he is proving how far he and his company are willing to go to maintain the facade that they are actually innovators in the world of personal computing.

'mojave experiment' was devised to restore microsoft's image. one look at the site, though, merely proves that they are still firmly entrenched in the delusion that rules the company that has not had an original thought since dos. the project is so obviously flawed, manipulated, skewed, and, in my opinion, outright manufactured as they only ask about windows. they never ask for opinions comparing it to mac, unix, linux, etc., thus, any opinions expressed are only in relation to windows itself. i have no doubt it's better than xp (considering this to be the benchmark they are using) as xp is clunky crap. also, the mac os has made great strides eight years ago, so it stands to reason that windows, in that time, could certainly rip off whatever they needed to advance in order to get it out a mere seven years after the advent of mac os x.

the site itself is designed to only give you positives (obviously), but the insidiousness comes in the presentation and its assumptive representation of objectivity. they have gone so far as to have a link labeled 'you can't please everyone' that, when you click it, brings a video forward the volume of which is so low i was unable to hear it with all comp. volumes blasted and others muted. my, my aren't they fair. on top of this, this video, as well as others, are duplicated in the panel so as to make the study appear far deeper.

the reality is, that everything touted in the lit (and 'studies' such as these) as new to vista and, as a 'logical' conclusion within their flawed thinking, new to computers themselves, was developed, perfected and released by apple first. all of the media apps (ilife), 'gadgets' (widgets), etc., don't merely owe the genesis of their ideas to apple, but the fact that they work at all as microsoft is unable to pull anything like this off on its own.

this post was written frantically as i wanted it to spill out through my anger and disgust that this company (microsoft) and this 'man' (gates) have done nothing but make a fortune off thefts from a company (apple) that has been nothing but innovative, creative and forward-thinking.

in closing, bill gates is satan, microsoft = hell, and i have a fervent hope that someday in the near future those who have been manipulated into buying inferior crap like windows and the machines designed to run it (dell, sony, et al) will wake up and realize they have not only been lied to, but outright taken in the greatest bait and switch perpetrated on an unsuspecting public.

long live apple!

there comes a time...

2008-07-29T16:36:00.001-05:00

there comes a time in all lives when one must face the reality of their situation and decide what their next move will be. i have done this many times in the past few years. in fact, i went through this again recently and i am proud to say that i am no closer to nailing it all down than i was the last time i did this which was... a few days previous.

why does God give some people that one thing at which they are fantastic with little or no work. in even fewer of these he instills an undying passion for that one thing. others have a great passion for one thing and work really hard at that one thing until they excel finding their path paved in joy. still others, myself included, are cursed with a number of things for which they have a passion, they also have a talent for each, and they have worked at them until they are very good, if not on the cusp of greatness. (this is not to say that i feel i am at a 'professional' level yet at all, but, certainly, could be.)

the curse slithers in under the guise of passion. the passion for each drives toward all. the inability to decide a talent is the 'only one for me' and then pursue that one talent is what keeps me where i am today. the unfortunate reality of one's situation - the need to pay bills, feed the family, etc. - while, in no way, a despised pursuit, certainly does not help one focus in a way necessary to accomplish one's goals, desires, pursuits. i need to discover that 'one thing' to move forward toward the life i want for me and my family.

i am lost. i am lost...

hmmmm…

2008-07-22T21:47:00.000-05:00

it never ceases to amaze me how many people consider themselves writers - many considering themselves professional - merely because they have a blog and/or have published a few articles online... and nowhere else. think this bile, if you wish, but those of us who have actually published formally and professionally in hard copy can only look at these (at least somewhat) deluded individuals, give them a mental, pitying pat on the head and send them back to their seesaw.

while i used to find these 'writers' an extreme nuisance, i can no longer hold my tongue as they are no longer living simple delusion, but are, at the very least, muddying the waters regarding the definitions of publishing and professional writer/author and, at most, creating not only a hostile environment within their relative anonymity, but, also, perpetuating, if not reveling in, the collective destruction of the nation's, nay, the world's, intellect. they spew the nightly news' nine-second sound bite as 'fact' and 'research' never learning for themselves the truth. they are happy, instead, to carry their vapidity to the masses allowing their vacuous, if not completely fabricated, CV to cloud others' judgment, no doubt justifying these actions by thinking that it is the readers' jobs to discover the truth about them.

in addition, the fact that these 'writers' feel the need to tell everyone (in much the same fashion rappers feel the need to wedge their name into nearly every line of every one of their tracks) that they are writers, should be proof enough that they know they are not strong enough wordsmiths for their material to carry this assertion, thus they are working equally hard to convince you as they are themselves.

the type that has really chapped me of late, though, is the self-professed 'word lover' and 'grammar junky' who is incapable of putting a single thought forth adequately, let alone properly structured or spelled. these 'word lovers' are so thrown by homonyms that they are 'reaching the acme', rather than 'spying through a keyhole'. sadly, those less intelligent than these self-proclaimed literati do nothing but fawn over this less than mediocre ability by commenting on what 'fantastic writers' they are, usually by misspelling a fragmented thought that is often closed with their attempt to 'write as good' as their now favorite blogger. (sadly, with their comment, they have.)

beyond all of this dreck passing as, not only skilled writing, but journalism in many cases, there has to be a time that these 'writers' sit back, look at what they have said/written and believe, and look at themselves, their lives, memories, et al, honestly and begin to repair what they have destroyed with their untalented, juvenile digital scrawls. the rusty hatchets of the bloggers must be placed aside their third grade writing lessons to be replaced by a dictionary; a true writer's heart, soul, conscience, and talent; and intellect borne of investigation, as well as the reality of their (personal and shared) histories.

perception of truth

2008-06-30T06:24:00.001-05:00

years wash away the truth at times. of course, far more is lost to those who wish it to have been different. there is always someone involved who refuses to let the memory sink in and live with them. they have to tinker. revise until the truth is a mere shadow of what actually occurred. the actions taken… or not. the facts of life as they wish them, rather than how they truly are. the need to victimize themselves makes for interesting reading for the others involved as we look back upon events, results, emotions.
I know that I can never get all others to accept events as they happened. instead, I have to fight the version they put forth, which usually makes another (myself on far too many occasions) look the ass, the instigator, or the enemy. I am tired of seeming to be the only one interested in history as it actually occurred. I am tired fighting the fight, but I will go on, i'm sure, as I cannot allow these small people to dictate history, especially my personal history, as they would have it be viewed. as silence is complicity, I shall not keep quiet.